You don't have asthma, your pregnant
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
