I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
3pm strippers are depressing
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
