i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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