please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
