In the future we'll all be gay
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
i now understand why vodka
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
