We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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