I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
