he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
