saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
