I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Houston, we have a squirter
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
