Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
