so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
