I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
