She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
