Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
