Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
