she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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