I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
