I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
