I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
