so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
