yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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