Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
