between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
