and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
