is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
