Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
