haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
