i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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