people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
