jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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