I'm jealous of your bromance
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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