Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
