DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
