I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
