dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
