if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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