if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
