my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You know, be my cock's hype man.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
