ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
