Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
