reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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