halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just gargled with NyQuil
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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