so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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