Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
