ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
