im having a threesome with these popsicles
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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