I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
