i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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