I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
