dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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