I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
