you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
