Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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