Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
