Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
