UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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