Whod you bang
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
